dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
