And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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