I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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