The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
