yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
