I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
