Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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