wrigley field is MILF paradise
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
