He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My vagina is officially offended.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
