Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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