if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
