one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I just put wine in my tea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
