Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
