fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
