I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
