I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
