when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bring me that man meat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
