i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
