I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
