You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
