Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
