Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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