Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
