Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize