So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
