we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
