he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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