So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
