just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
