either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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