ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
