she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
