Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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