Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
