No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just pee around me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
