btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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