he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
