drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
honey bunches of taint.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
