im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
