There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
