he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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