she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
