the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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