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I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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