3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
