you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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