My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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