i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
