I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
