Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
