I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
