I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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