Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
