Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
