Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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