Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
