This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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