I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
