I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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