you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need moral support for this bender
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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