I got chris browned last night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
