I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
