When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize