if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
