Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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