The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ttyl tear gas
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
