I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize