I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
