This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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