He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
