Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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