I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
